


From Out of the Pain

by The_Snarkivist



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Everybody Lives, Film Archives, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, POV Jack Harkness, Post-Season/Series 02 Fix-It, Series 03 Fix-It: Children of Earth (Torchwood), Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:01:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27255367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Snarkivist/pseuds/The_Snarkivist
Summary: So Jack gave up after two weeks and went back to Cardiff. He took over Ianto’s apartment - he continued paying the rent and moved in.“Jack, I don’t know if this is a healthy thing to do.” Gwen warned when she had  come to check on him at Ianto’s.  “You know that if he had a say, he’d want you to go on with your life, meet other people,  be happy.”“How do you know Gwen? I think if he had a say he’d very much want to not be fucking dead.  He’d want to be alive and with me.  He’d want to be here to wake up in my arms and to hold me when I had nightmares and to laugh and roll his eyes when I made innuendos that didn’t make any sense.”***********Jack's coping strategy for grieving for Ianto leads him to a discovery that could change everything.
Relationships: Gwen Cooper/Rhys Williams, Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones
Comments: 12
Kudos: 59





	From Out of the Pain

**Author's Note:**

> I realized it's a bit on the nose to be obsessively writing fix-it fic for a character who dies of an alien respiratory virus during a global pandemic of a respiratory virus. But this is where I'm at with 2020.

Jack thought the sadness might ease after awhile. But it didn't. 

He traveled for two weeks but after spending days and nights staring at the wall in his hotel room he gave up. He knew he should go see the sights or go to bars and pick up locals. But he couldn't. He had stood at the entrance to a few bars and just heard Ianto's and his voices in his head: 

" _Hey. It was good, yeah?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“Don't forget me.”_

_“Never could.”_

He couldn't be with another person - not even for a night or a few hours. Not when he had had and lost the best person. Ianto was clever, caring, and beautiful. And he loved Jack. He had loved him with all his heart and soul. Jack knew that. Long before Ianto said the words. He wanted to know Jack, he clutched onto every little comment that Jack let slip about his life. Ianto was always pushing him to be the best version of himself. Ianto believed in Jack even when Jack didn't believe in himself. He would do - and did - anything for Jack. He gave his life for Jack. And Jack didn't even have the courage to say "I love you" back when Ianto was dying.

So Jack gave up after two weeks and went back to Cardiff. He took over Ianto’s apartment - he continued paying the rent and moved in. 

“Jack, I don’t know if this is a healthy thing to do.” Gwen warned when she had come to check on him at Ianto’s. “You know that if he had a say, he’d want you to go on with your life, meet other people, be happy.” 

“How do you know Gwen? I think if he had a say he’d very much want to not be fucking dead. He’d want to be alive and with me. He’d want to be here to wake up in my arms and to hold me when I had nightmares and to laugh and roll his eyes when I made innuendos that didn’t make any sense.”

Gwen had nodded and turned away to hide the pain in her face. He felt terrible. It wasn’t like he was the only one who was grieving. He had seen how close Gwen and Ianto had grown after Owen and Tosh died. He would often walk by them in the Hub and see them giggling and gossiping on the couch in the common area. No doubt they were trading stories about ridiculous things both he and Rhys did. After the two of them had defended the Hub against the Daleks they had become solidly best friends. 

“I’m sorry Gwen. I didn’t mean it. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I know it’s been really hard for you too. It’s just… I can’t. Not right now. It’s still too fresh… I can’t even think about anyone else. Who could compare with him?” He started to cry. 

“I know, love.” Gwen pulled him into her arms and held him tightly. “I miss him too. You grieve however you need to.” 

And that’s what Jack had been doing. He sat on Ianto’s couch and watched Ianto’s James Bond dvds. He read the books scattered on the end tables that Ianto had been reading - mostly on film preservation, oddly - before the 456 came to Earth. Occasionally he ate pot noodles or food that Gwen brought for him. Sometimes he got drunk and passed out of the couch. Sometimes he went to bed early because he couldn’t face being awake anymore. 

The first night he slept at Ianto’s he slept in his bed. Their bed really. He had spent so many nights in this bed. There were so many nights he had made love to Ianto and then laid beside him, both of them grinning like fools, as they both caught their breath. Other nights he’d held Ianto when he awoke from nightmares about Lisa or Brecon Beacons. And other nights Ianto would hold him when he awoke from his nightmares of all his past secrets he would never talk about. There were days when the Rift was quiet and it was a holiday that they both stayed in bed all day: reading the paper, doing crosswords, fooling around, making love, and talking. The conversations he’d had with Ianto in this bed were the most precious conversations to him. Ianto had told him all his secrets. He’d told him absolutely everything about his life. From his tense relationship to his father to about when he had realized he was attracted to men as well as women. He’d confessed his insecurities and admitted to his petty thoughts. He disclosed his fears and his secret dreams. Jack had taken it all in. 

He’d fallen steadily, surely, completely in love with Ianto in those moments. The more he learned about Ianto, the more he loved him. He loved the strange things like how Ianto couldn’t stand the feel of suede or how he was terrified of looking at mirrors in the dark. He adored the way Ianto would wrinkle his nose at a dish with too many vegetables in it. 

He loved the way Ianto cared about Myfanwy as if she were a person and randomly, as they lay in bed together, would say things like “you know, I think we need to figure out a way to introduce more fish into Myfanwy’s diet. Fish is so healthy and better than all those pigeons she eats. Maybe we could install a koi pond in the Hub?” 

He loved the way Ianto saw all the aliens that slipped through the Rift as individuals. After a long day featuring a challenging encounter with a creature they would end up at Ianto's. And after some enthusiastic sex to wear down the day’s tension, Ianto would lie in Jack’s arms, his head on Jack’s chest, his thumb rubbing the side of Jack’s hip and say things about the alien like, “Do you suppose she had a mother and father? Or a lover? Is someone missing her right now? Are they wondering where she went?” 

He had taken in all of these details about Ianto and held them in his heart. But he hadn’t been able to reciprocate. He hadn’t told Ianto about his many loves, about his childhood on the Boeshane Peninsula, about his time at the Time Agency (but then he had had those memories stolen from him anyway), about his travels with the Doctor. He hadn’t - not until the very end - told Ianto about his daughter and grandson. And then, when he did tell him, he had done it to wound Ianto, to score points in an argument. 

All these thoughts ran through Jack’s head as he lay in Ianto’s spot, he could still smell the scent of ianto’s shampoo on the pillow and Ianto's particular scent in the sheets. Ianto always preferred to wash his hair before bed and then quickly shower in the morning. Laying in Ianto’s place had been comforting, it felt like having a piece of him there. 

But after a week of sleeping in Ianto’s spot, it no longer smelled like him. It smelled like Jack. He sadly washed the sheets and pulled out more, hoping for that smell. They only smelled like the washing detergent. 

That was when Jack started sleeping with Ianto’s clothes. He would sleep with a shirt, then a vest, then a jacket, then the pants. He held the item of clothing close to him as he fell asleep and breathed in the scent. And after a few days, when it didn’t smell like Ianto anymore he put it in a pile and took them to be dry cleaned and then put the clean clothes in a box to be donated somewhere. Parting with the clothes was a problem for another day. He still had more clothes to go through. 

But as he worked through the clothes in Ianto’s closet, his anxiety grew. He didn’t feel any less attached to Ianto, he didn’t feel more ready to let Ianto go, he didn’t feel any less guilty for Ianto’s death. If anything he felt more attached, more sad, more guilty. He didn’t know what he would do when he ran out of clothes.

One night as he reached for one of only a few remaining suit jackets, he noticed a large box in the back of Ianto’s closet. It had been blocked by the suits. He pulled it out to discover it was a 16mm film projector. Was this the projector they had watched the film of the Night Travellers on? He noticed a small note written in Ianto’s precise handwriting. It was notes on how to preserve film and a diagram on how to run it through the projector. At the bottom it said, “Keep the film in a cool dry place, in a pinch use your refrigerator.” 

Jack went to investigate. He had pretty much ignored the fridge since he mostly added water to noodles or ate food from Gwen. He hadn’t had the energy to throw away the food left over. Not that there was much. The weeks leading to Ianto's death had been too busy for home cooked meals. He looked around in the sparse fridge and found a large box marked ‘Films - Park and Hub”. In the box were several cans of film all in plastic, archival cans.

As Jack pulled the box out of the fridge he heard his own voice in this head. “I think if he had a say he’d very much want to not be fucking dead.” 

He looked at the date on the first film labelled “Park”. It was after their encounter with the Night Travellers. Things had gotten so terrible and busy after that with Gray’s return and the death of Tosh and Owen that Jack had forgotten the day that Ianto demanded they go to the park. They had sat on a blanket and ate a picnic lunch and been happy. Ianto had made Jack film him. It was possibly the last time they had a carefree day before they descended into tragedy after tragedy. Had Ianto planned something? At the time Jack had thought nothing of it. He had barely noticed books on film preservation that began appearing around Ianto's apartment or how Ianto started telling him facts about the history of film archiving as they lay in bed. Ianto often went through phases where he would research something and talk about almost nothing but that for weeks.

Jack threaded the film through the projector and began to screen it on one of the bare walls of Ianto’s apartment. It felt like a knife in his heart seeing Ianto again, and seeing him laugh and smile. There were so many shots of him just standing there, looking out over the park, looking at Jack with love in his eyes. Jack began to weep after a few minutes of the film. He cried so hard that his vision got blurry. 

“Oh Ianto.” He sobbed. “Please come back to me. I can’t do this without you. I can’t do life without you.” He held his head in his hands.

That’s why he didn’t notice at first. It took him a moment to understand what he was seeing. One long shot of Ianto fizzled and became three dimensional. On-screen Ianto walked towards the camera. And then, just as the Night Travellers had, Ianto stepped out of the screen and into his living room. 

He stood for a moment and stared at Jack. Jack couldn’t move. His jaw hung open in disbelief and his heart beat faster and faster. 

“Jack? Did I die then? And did this actually work?? Did you get my note?” 

Hearing those beautiful Welsh vowels Jack’s temporary paralysis was broken. He ran straight into Ianto’s arms. He had a split second of fear that he would run through him, that he was only a shadow. But Ianto was as solid and whole as he ever was. Jack held onto him for dear life.

“Ianto!” He sobbed. “I lost you. It was terrible. I just didn’t want to go on. I couldn’t do anything.” 

Ianto held him tightly. “I wouldn’t leave you alone Jack. You know I’d find a way to be with you if I could.” 

"I love you! I love you with every bone in my body, every drop of blood in my veins. I love you so much I can’t even put it into words. I love you Ianto Jones.” 

He pulled back a bit and looked into Ianto’s face. “I didn’t tell you. You said it to me and I… I just couldn’t, I was scared, and there wasn’t time. I have never regretted something so much in my entire life.” 

Ianto cupped Jack’s face in his hands. “It’s okay Jack. I’m here. You can tell me now. I’m not going anywhere.” 

Ianto’s blue eyes misted with tears. Jack kissed him, relishing the feel of his lips and how he tasted.

“I can’t believe it worked!” Ianto said excitedly as they broke the kiss. “As long as that film lives, I will live too. I started doing lots of reading about film preservation and film archives before I made the film, as long as we keep it under the proper conditions, this film can for like 70 years!” 

And Ianto kissed him again, to Jack it was as if he were dying of thirst and Ianto’s kiss was water. It revived him. They kissed passionately not wanting to to stop for breath even as they both got light-headed. Finally they broke the kiss. Jack turned off the projector. 

"But Ianto? Why didn't you tell me when you made the film? It's been months since you died. I only found the projector by accident."

"You didn't get the note in my personnel file? I set it to appear when you closed my file."

"Oh, Ianto. The Hub is gone. There was a bomb. Someone put a bomb in my stomach. Everyone got out. You and Gwen. But we didn't… Things got even worse. We just couldn’t bear to do anything about Torchwood. No one has closed out your file yet."

Ianto looked at him in pain. “But… Tosh? And Owen? Oh no, Jack? Oh Jack, did they die too? In the explosion? What about Myfanwy?” 

Jack cursed himself for not even thinking of it. “I think you better sit down Ianto. I need to tell you about the last few months between when we shot this film and now.” 

He told Ianto about all that had happened: about Gray and how he made John plant bombs all over Cardiff, how Gray had buried him beneath the city for centuries, how Gray had killed Tosh and Owen had died preventing the nuclear reactor meltdown. Then he told him about the Daleks and the stolen Earth. And then he told him about the children and the Hub being destroyed. He told him about their ill-considered confrontation of the 456 in Thames House and Ianto's death. He didn’t spare any detail to make himself look good. He was done with hiding from Ianto. He wanted Ianto to know everything. He even told Ianto about using his grandson to route the frequency to kill the 456. When he finished they were both crying. 

“Jack. I am so sorry you had to go through all that.” 

“You don’t hate me for what I did to my grandson?” 

“No, my heart breaks for you. You did what you had to, even though it was terrible and painful. That’s what you always do. You make the hard decisions that save the world, even though they demolish your heart.”

Ianto brushed away some of the tears on Jack’s cheek with his thumb. He looked at Jack with so much love in his eyes. Jack knew he didn’t deserve this kind of devotion.

"I know you said you never told me anything. And it did bother me that you never wanted to refer to us as a couple. But you forget, I know everything. I saw you, I always saw and observed. I know so many things about you, just from watching you. I saw how your eyes twinkle when I came up with a name for some alien tech that you liked. I saw the way your mouth sets when you disagree with something at the Hub but don’t want to fight all of us on it. You told me so many things without using the words. I saw all the pain and guilt you felt for dead lovers and teammates.I saw how you looked at me thinking ‘I am going to be responsible for this man’s death someday, there’s no escaping it.’ And I saw how it ate away at you. I saw how you loved all of us and did everything you could to protect us. You loved us all even though you always knew you would outlive us. I always knew you loved me.” 

Jack kissed him again. He would never get tired of the feeling of Ianto’s soft lips and the way his moans vibrated in Jack’s mouth. 

“Jack!” Ianto said excitedly as they broke that kiss. “I have other film! I was learning how to use the camera and I shot film in the Hub. We can play that, maybe that will bring them back too!” 

“Oh Ianto, my beautiful brilliant love. We have to try this. But let’s call Gwen and Rhys. They will want to be here too.” 

“Ok, but maybe tell them to be here in like 30 minutes?” Ianto raised an eyebrow suggestively. 

“Gwen moved out of Cardiff. They’re in the country, it will take at least two hours for them to get here.” 

“Good! Because we have a lot of catching up to do!” Ianto said as he pulled Jack towards the bedroom. 

*********** 

“Where is he????” Gwen almost screamed as she barreled through Ianto’s door. 

Ianto had been sitting on the couch reading a book about film preservation as Jack lay with his head in Ianto’s lap. Jack sat up and Ianto put the book down and stood in just enough time for Gwen to crash into his arms. 

“I thought we’d lost you. I thought I’d never see my best friend again.” Gwen sobbed. 

“I’m here.” Ianto soothed through his own tears. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

Suddenly he was attacked by Rhys who joined the hug. “So glad you’re back, mate!” 

Jack joined them too and they all hugged and cried. 

When the hug was over Ianto sat all of them down and threaded the film of the Hub through the projector. 

“I don’t know if this will work.” He said as the projector whirred to life. 

There were shots of the Hub, of the Archives, of Jack. But then came the shots of Owen in the medical bay and Tosh at her computer. Jack, Ianto, Gwen and Rhys all motioned to the celluloid versions of their friends, imploring them to come closer. 

And just like that, they did. First Tosh stepped out and looked around confused, and then Owen, looking surly as usual. And finally Myfanwy soared out of the frame and into Ianto’s apartment. 

“What’s going on?” Tosh asked.

“How the hell did I get in Teaboy’s apartment?” Owen complained.

“You died.” Ianto said. “It’s a long story and we can tell you later but for now, you died and we brought you back.” 

Jack put a proud arm around Ianto’s shoulders. “It was Ianto’s idea! And I guess partly thanks to the Night Travellers. He died too but he came back the same way. He’s so brilliant, this man, my boyfriend. He’s so smart and I love him.” 

Tosh clapped her hands with glee and Owen rolled his eyes. 

“Bring it in for a group hug everyone!” Jack said happily. 

The whole group hugged and cried. Myfanwy squawked happily.

**********

"So explain to me again how it works?" Ianto said to Tosh as they all looked at a medium-sized box on the processing table of the Torchwood archives in their new location. 

"It completely runs on alien energy. If we leave it in the archives it will be constantly charging from the Rift so if we need to take it out, it will keep the charge and keep the contents at a stable temperature and relative humidity. I programmed the set points you told me."

Ianto ran a finger across the top.

"And it can't be broken?" He asked.

"That's right. Nothing can get through this shell so the contents will always be safe. But it is also vented so the off-gas from the films will be whisked away and won't hasten the decomposition. But!" Tosh beamed excitedly. "That's a last resort. I encased the films in a time pocket so basically they aren't aging at all. Film can survive for about 70 years if stored properly but it is an organic material so eventually it deteriorates and essentially dies. But since time isn't moving, this film could essentially last forever!"

“And you included the film I shot a few weeks ago of Gwen and Rhys?” 

“Yes! And we can open this box, we can take out their film when we need it. And also, there’s room so when Anwen gets older we can make a film of her too!”

"Tosh, you are a genius!" Jack said. He, still months later, couldn't let go of Ianto. So he stood behind Ianto with his arms around the younger man's waist and his head leaning on Ianto's shoulder. 

"She is, isn't she?!" Ianto agreed as he turned his head and kissed Jack on the cheek. "And now you are stuck with us forever." 

"I can’t think of any group I’d rather spend eternity with." Jack said as he nuzzled Ianto’s neck.

The End

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This feels a lot self-indulgent but thought I would post anyway. One of my favourite Torchwood episodes is "From Out of the Rain" because I work as an audio-visual archivist and am super nerdy about analog av materials. I'm embarrassed that it took me this long to figure out how to mine that episode for a fix-it. But I *think* this works? Also, I could literally not resist the opportunity to turn Ianto into a film archivist. Anyway, I would love to hear what you think.


End file.
